Armed with his weapons of choice — machete, saw, clippers, several sizes of battle axes, and a strength fueled by pure rage — he conquers the despised vine’s iron grip while it shrivels, crumbles, and turns to dust at the mere touch of his hand.

All throughout the greater metro seattle area, ivy trembles at the thought of Heff’s Hardwood’s approach while the trees rejoice and sing his praises through their freely moveable limbs.

Are you or your loved one’s trees suffering from the suffocating grip of this disgusting excuse of a plant? Don’t hesitate — contact Heff’s Hardwood now. For a case of beer, a steak, or a small fee he will help save your trees.